A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
