What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
