Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize