my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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