Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
