Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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