I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
