I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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