May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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