She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
