We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
