if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
