you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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