Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
