Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
