Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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