Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
