Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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