these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
