so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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