My liver just broke up with me...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
