OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
