so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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