if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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