I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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