I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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