Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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