Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
