Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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