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• (586): View more from Michigan

  On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores

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• (214): View more from Texas

  come over

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  yeah sure

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast

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• (714): View more from California

  What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.

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• (805): View more from California

  Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch

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