i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
