So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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