What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
