We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
