Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
