I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
