I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
