ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
