Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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