I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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