i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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