Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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