they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They took my balls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
