It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fuck appropriateness.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize