im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
