my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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