I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
