So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
