I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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