Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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