Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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