Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We just shotgunned beers for America
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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