i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
