i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
