...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Drunk is not a location!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
