There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
