Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
