I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
