He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
