After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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