Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
