I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize