drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
